What are you waiting for, the day is gone?
I said I'm waiting for dawn
What are you aiming for out here alone?
I said I'm aiming for home
Holding on
Holding on
With red eyes what are you looking for?
With red eyes, red eyes
All of my days are spent within this skin
Within this cage that I'm in
Nowhere feels safe to me, nowhere feels home
Even in crowds I'm alone
Holding on
Holding on
Every now and then I see you dreaming
Every now and then I see you cry
Every now and then I see you reaching
Reaching for the other side
What are you waiting for?
This is probably my most loved song off Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane album. too bad they didn't sing it when they did a gig here in Manila. that's fine, I was half expecting that they won't anyway. they've got a LOT of awesome songs to choose from in the first place.
This means a lot to me. let me tell you why....
I was born to a catholic family, grew up with the bible, my parents and grandparents preached the usual christian stuff, and that went on until I was 13. I was even the commentator when we did the first holy communion in third grade, and I was a choir member in our local church. Come high school, I can say that my faith in God pretty much waned a little bit. I was too busy thinking about myself and chasing my happiness to care about religion. That was also the time when we've got mean theology teachers in school and meaner priest in church. It made me think that hypocrisy has driven these people mad that maybe the existence of God is just a pretense..I went doubtful of God's existence. I lived steering my own wheel for the next 7 years. I graduated highschool and went to college without ever darkening the church's steps again. During college, I got entangled with an activist group rebelling against the government, and most of the people I met there are non-believers, mainly because communism doesnt really talk much about theology and christianity.I personally view it as a branch giving depth towards idealism within the people's range of influence to deal with.
It was during this time that I met my future husband Jerry. He's an atheist and "will always be." (That's what he said just a few hours ago before I sit this entry into writing.) Jerry is a sincere, decent guy respectful of women,of his parents, and of people as a whole. He rarely use cuss words and he NEVER badmouth anyone. He's not a liar (unlike me DURING those times), he always find time to help other people without expecting anything in return. I mean he really is nice. He changed the way I view life in general. Growing up, I always thought that you need to always be in church and talk about God all the time to be considered kind by society. And so when I got disappointed of those false priests and educators, It altogether shattered the foundation of my belief contrasted by the fact that someone can be really kind, to the core,without believing in God's existence. Eventually, Jerry and I got married and got blessed with a beautiful kid, we named her Adie. 2 years inside the marriage, we never prayed, never uttered Jesus under our roof, never touched or payed a glance to a bible. We lived our lives pretending to be normal people without us realizing that we're growing apart by the hours of everyday. And shameful as it is, I have to admit that I got lost to nowhere. Yea I cheated on my husband.
It was the lowest point in my life, cheating on the one I promised forever with, ruining friendship with those people I should've spend time with but failed to, being in a more chaotic state with my parents, and most of all having been the most submerged of melancholy and internal struggle of all. I can't turn to no one. I won't even confide those struggles with myself.
Then I prayed...out of the blue...without thinking on it, without testing volition... I raised my hand and prayed.
and I know within my guts, in that instant, I'm a changed person. see, that was my turning point.
I went ahead and confessed to Jerry all the things that ate me up inside. And as expected of him, he never got mad, never yell, never doubt my sincerity. And in that instant I almost want to slap myself to numbness, just to scold me for thinking that I can belong to someone else. I should've known from the start that I should be in Jerry's side.nowhere else. My Almighty Father put me not just in the right place, but in the best place. and I can' be torn from His side anyhow.
Hearing Red Eyes for the first time while lying in bed a few months ago, it showed me THAT turning point in my life like I was viewing it through a tv. How I cried. How I laughed. The feeling was so intense I can hardly breathe, I didn't know how I stayed with a normal teary facade at that time.It made me ponder on other's, with their own struggles and loneliness.There are so many depressing stories out there, filled with injustice, violence, and hatred. Lives of people being wasted right before their eyes. I want to reach out to these people, to shake them and ask them "What are you waiting for?"... salvation is always with us, within us, we'll just have to keep our minds and hearts open. I know I cannot enforce my belief into other people's throats.(I'm still working hard to convert my atheist but georgeous of a husband real-time) but I know I can somehow make a difference should I be given a chance to share them an advised or two.
re-reading my post,one would think I'm an old woman speaking. Sometimes I really think I should act my age..
